So many of us have a list of things we think we should do. 

We continually tell ourselves, I should DO this, I should DO that, I should BE this , I should BE that…

SHOULDING is a way of telling yourself that you are not enough, you are not doing enough, it signals a lack, it signals that somehow no matter what you do that you will never be enough because the list of SHOULDS never ends. Believe me when I tell you that I have a degree in “shoulding”, I have a masters and a PHD in it. Perhaps you do too? 

Before you think I have gone crazy, let me explain what I am talking about and see if you recognise any of the “shoulds” on my list.

Here is a great list of the SHOULDs, some I have borrowed from Psychology Today and added a lot of extras thrown in from my own personal collection.

The “Should List" Best-Sellers:

•  You should be grateful to be alive.
•  You should forgive. 
•  You should be compassionate.
•  You should meditate.
•  You should give back.
•  You should be able to do nothing.
•  You should be able to do anything.
•  You should be productive.
•  You should rest more.
•  You should de-clutter.
•  You should take more trips.
•  You should appreciate what you have.
•  You should spend more time with your kids.
•  You should want to spend more time with your kids.
•  You should have more fun.
•  You should spend less time on technology.
•  You should be a master of technology.
•  You should have the latest gadgets.
•  You should live at one with nature.
•  You should have more sex. 
•  You should want to have more sex.
•  You should read more.
•  You should laugh more.
•  You should lose weight.
•  You should put weight on.
•  You should exercise more.
•  You should drink less.
•  You should drink more water 
•  You should eat only Organic food.
•  You should be a good daughter, mother, sister, girlfriend, wife.
•  You should bake.
•  You should be a successful business woman
•  You should be happier.
•  You shouldn’t be too happy in case you offend the people who aren’t. 
•  You should look natural 
•  You should be more glamorous
•  You should have botox
•  You should give to charity 
•  You should save money 
•  You should stand up for yourself
•  You shouldn’t be so argumentative
•  You should be kind 
•  You should do as your told
•  You should have your own mind 

You SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD 

The list goes on and on and on …seriously, I had to stop myself while writing this list because I could fill an entire book and write a blog on each individual “should”.

Whatever the specific "shoulds" on your list, they always add up to the same "should": You should be better! 

The "should" police are here to tell you that……as you are--you are not good enough! This is a form of inner complaining, moaning and a mild type of bullying. It really serves no purpose whatsoever and it will hinder your personal growth more than I can tell you. Shoulding will not help you, it will not grow you. Shoulding will eat away at your inner child, it will gradually ebb away at your self esteem, you enthusiasm, your joy, your willingness to keep trying.

This brings me onto another great word/myth that will steal your ability to reach for the sky and achieve and be all the things you aspire to do and be and have and that word is ……drum roll…

Resolutions – every year 31^st December comes around and the clock strikes 12 and then shortly after , the day after, people may ask you “have you made any new years resolutions ?” 

You may or may not make them, but I can certainly admit to having made them in the past. The word RESOLUTION reminds me of the word SHOULD, it indicates that there is a problem to resolve and that you SHOULD resolve it. 

Most New Years Resolutions are broken by the second or third week in January and NO its not because you don’t have enough willpower its because the resolution is not truly aligned with your inner self. Or it’s not connected to your FUTURE SELF.

You have made a list of things that you think you SHOULD do rather than setting an intention to become something you desire to BE. 

Setting Intentions to be, do or have something is like manifesting or focused wishing, an Intention indicates a desire to follow a certain path. 

It indicates that you are embarking on a new pathway, a pathway that leads you somewhere positive. It’s not about resolving to be a better person, it’s not about resolving something about yourself that’s missing or not good enough , its about setting  a powerful intention to move in a direction that is aligned with your true wants and desires. An intention is always part of developing the FUTURE YOU.

Here are some powerful Intentions that you can use in order to create your future self (although I do like to be very specific about my Intentions and my affirmations). These are ideas that you can use today, but remember that you can make them absolutely specific to you. 

An intention declaration is similar to an affirmation they can be brief but very clear and they must inspire you. An intention is about a new way of being rather than a specific goal.

“I love filling my body with nutritious food”

“I am fully committed to achieving my goals and I will take consistent actions towards them”

“I have set myself high standards and I live up to them every day”

“I am focused and disciplined in my approach to achieving success”

“I am bright, energetic and enthusiastic in my life and spirit”

If we don’t set the stage for positive change in our lives and ourselves then we will keep getting more of the same. If we stay stuck in the land of the “shoulds” and waiting for January to set “resolutions” we will waste precious months and years of our lives.

Always begin by coming back to Future You an asking “Would she do this?” I can tell you the answer but I think you already know what it is. 

Lets end this blog with a wonderful quote by Rob Liano who said;

“If you don't know what you want, you'll never find it.

If you don't know what you deserve, you'll always settle for less.

You will wander aimlessly, uncomfortably numb in your comfort zone, wondering how life has ended up here.

Life starts now, live, love, laugh and let your light shine”

From my Future Self to Yours xoxo